i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
