i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
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