There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
