Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
