I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
