we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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