the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
