I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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