3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
