I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
