i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
tell your sister to shave her snatch
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
