Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Randomize
