I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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