This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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