Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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