my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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