She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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