I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I think people are normalizing furries
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize