I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize