Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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