3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
