if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
