I wish I only lived at night.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
