FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Randomize
