TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
