Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize