you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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