it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize
