im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
