an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
