does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
it glows. i had to have it.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
