you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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