i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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