Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Randomize
