I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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