so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
