Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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