I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
