today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
