i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
