I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Randomize