and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize