Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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