when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize