I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
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