y did u give ur computer a hand job?
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
