Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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