Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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