Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
