Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
