so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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