I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
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