**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
