Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I need to align my fucking chakras
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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