On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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