I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
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