Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize