My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
