Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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