I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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