My room smells like vodka and shame
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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