In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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