I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
