I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
