Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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