he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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