i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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