I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
my liver is dry heaving
Randomize
