birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Ladies don't puke and tell
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
