I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
